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[11 Feb 2007|07:56am]
I caught myself talking in my sleep this morning. I literally had my hand up to my ear, as if I was talking into my cell phone. I don't remember what I was saying. Next thing I knew, (I was awake by now), my dad was knocking on the door and asking if I was ok.

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[30 Jul 2006|08:59pm]
for the love of god, fly me to London

I think it was Freshman year when Mr. Ferreira told us (drama kids and techies) about Equus. I remember really wanting to see it. It was playing at RIC, but I wasn't able to go. The play sounded really interesting- especially the main character. Well... wouldn't you know, Dan Radcliffe *my fantasy/celebrity lover* is starring as Alan Strang.

"In one scene the actor playing Strang is required to simulate sexual ecstasy while riding a horse naked. But Davies said nudity was not the focus of the play." ... Maybe not for you Davies, but if I was there, I'm prettttty sure that would be my focus.

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[26 Jul 2006|04:12pm]
Is Free Will an illusion?

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[24 Jul 2006|10:01pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I'm thinking of dropping AP English. My dad is enouraging (discouraging?lol) me to drop it. It's stressing me out, and I'm trying very hard to get back on my feet these days. Yup. I choose happiness.

I didn't do the essay for Capote, so I'm already failing the class. I was pretty disappointed with myself for a while, but now I'm kind of over it. I'm kind of tired of doing things that don't make me happy. Such as trying to read Dombey and Son. It's 830 pages long. C'MON woman. *Ms. Connors, C'mon face* I know Mrs. Ryan is supposed to be a good teacher, but this is not cool... Besaw probably recommended it. In the newspaper article it was mentioned that his favorite book is Tale of Two Cities. I have a feeling that Dombey and Son was his retirement gift to us APers.

My dad's right about one thing- this is summer. It's meant to be enjoyed. The guidance counselors said we're supposed to be having college interviews. Good God. Mr. Skenyon (aka Jesus) said we're supposed to be working on college essays.

Sometimes I wish I was in middle school again, up in my room all day, reading Harry Potter. ... Then outside swimming in the pool. Then playing Nintendo with my sister.

And then I wish I was a Freshman. I remember walking through the halls the second week of school, and I got lost and cried. I'll never forget gym class with Becca Winslow, Maggie Cross, and Britney Sullivan, sophomore year.

I've been doing the whole thinking-about-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life thing. Acting? Directing? Lawyer? Teacher? Whore?

Dear Future self,
Don't have kids.
Present Self.

Dear Present Self,
Go to New York City. Fall in love. Be fearless.

I want to go to Rose Hill. I want to study and meet people and go on adventures.

This entry was dull. I think the Dickens essay is due this Saturday. Huh. Maybe I'll bs it. Or I'll go to Barnes and Noble and exchange the books for the Level 1 books. Maybe if I'm really bored tomorrow I'll begin writing the essay. Wow I dissapoint myself. You know what? I don't know what I want.

I know what I need to do. I need to make a list of all the stuff I need to do from now until the end of the summer. Ok ready set - tomorrow. I've set the date. I feel very accomplished. Haha.

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[18 Jul 2006|10:28am]
MemeCollapse )

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hiatus [17 Jul 2006|02:48pm]
I'll be out of the area until Friday. If you want to make plans for this weekend or need to reach me, call or text my cell.

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random thing i wrote the other day [17 Jul 2006|11:13am]
In middle school I retreated into my room and read Harry Potter all day and obsessed over homework. My favorite teacher was Mr. Gallerani. I helped direct my English class's version of Midsummer Night's Dream. Freshman year was fun. I won't forget how I excited I was when I got a part in the "Senior Play" or when Erin Murtagh insulted the football captain Josh Malone her last day at KP or when I got a detention for voting twice for Nora in class election or when Katie O'Connor and I skipped chorus, hid in the bathroom, and then went running across the field in the snow to Dunkin Donuts and the Pizza shop. I won't forget Sophomore year, all the hilarious times in TV Production, being part of the last play on the Grady Auditorium Stage, and getting a detention for telling the gym teacher to respect me.

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[16 Jul 2006|04:26pm]
[ mood | crazy ]


Ok I'm done.

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[15 Jul 2006|12:24pm]
Everyone is ridiculous and pathetic in his/her "own special way." Everyone is human.

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[07 Jul 2006|11:46am]
40 years from now...

A friend: Remember junior year?
Me: Yes. It sucked.

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[16 May 2006|09:21pm]
You are not a failure.
You are not a bad person.
This is just Norfolk, MA.
You are not a failure.
You are not a bad person.
This is just Norfolk, MA.
You are not a failure.
You are not a bad person.
This is just Norfolk, MA.

Good and bad don't exist.
It's just you and your decisions.
You are in control.
Good and bad don't exist.
It's just you and your decisions.
You are in control.
Good and bad don't exist.
It's just you and your decisions.
You are in control.

Never get caught up in the past
Or you will lose control of the present
And consequently, of your future.
Never get caught up in the past
Or you will lose control of the present
And consequently, of your future.
Never get caught up in the past
Or you will lose control of the present
And consequently, of your future.

Don't dwell too long on the negative
90% of it is useless.

Angry Rant time
I'm sorry, I try to accept all types of people. But if there's one type of person I can not stand, it's the Dream Crusher. Let me explain this concept. The goal of the Dream Crusher is to find out what makes you happy or passionate and reduce your dream to scum. Usually these people are insecure, judgemental, pompous and selfish. It's not the best combo.

For the most part, I ignore Dream Crushers. But every now and then I get tired of it. I always want to tell people how beautiful and amazing I think they are, but I'm afriad they'll think I'm insane if I tell them. Why the hell would you want to tell someone how much they suck unless they are a murderer (or dream crusher ahem)?

Who do you think you are anyway? God?? No, you're really not. Here's an idea, the next time you feel like telling someone to give up, why don't you shut the hell up? That sounds good to me. Because you're not serving any purpose. Your words might as well be specs of dust floating aimlessly through the air. It's ok to get personal with someone every now and then, but only if you know the person well enough. And even then, don't say something personal AND cruel.

I used to shut those people down. But now I sit there and let them be assholes. But I'm about ready to snap. Seriously, the next time I'm in a bad mood and someone is being a Dream Crusher, they better watch out. Cuz it's gonna be a few years of repressed anger built up inside of me coming out all at once.

I just want to catch someone in the middle of an asshole remark and ask them why they are doing that. Just why. Because when it comes down to it, there is no dignified answer. "Oh, I was just trying to help them"- Nahhhhhh. If you really wanted to help, you #1 wouldn't have said that shit #2 would've befriended that person and given them support.

*The reason a lot of the stuff I write sounds weird is because I deal with my emotions in a strange way. First I ask myself why am I so (in this instance) angry? After I break it down, I try to think of ways for it not to happen again. And then I think about how I can solve the problem (which made me angry in the first place). And what I write is sometimes a reflection of this process.

Maybe most people just acknowledge their emotions and then blame it on whatever they feel like. Or they whine and complain and victimize themselves. Or their emotions aren't strong, so they don't have to worry about it. For the most part, I'm not emotional. I try to be rational about my emotions, because I think they're useless and annoying.

Other things that have been making me angry
Judgemental people
Opression of women
Singing in front of people
KP Teachers

I think that sums it up.

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[14 May 2006|01:30am]
My mom came back from dinner with her boyfriend tonight and told me they came very close to getting hit by an SUV. They had to stop the car as the SUV was coming head on towards their car. Thankfully it turned into the correct lane in time.

I was laying in my bed, reading about Willy Loman's car "accident," when I heard a car go skidding off the road by my house. It hit the stone wall between my house and our neighbor's. I woke my mom up and she called for a cop to help them. Luckily, I don't think either of the passengers are injured.

The first driver was probably drunk. And my mom just confirmed that the second (the one out on my lawn right now) had been drinking.

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Damn it feels good to be a gangster. [09 May 2006|10:01pm]
The other day I was sliding across the floor while my mom was installing the new printer. And I asked her if she remembered the scene in office space with the copy machine, as I looked over at the old, shitty printer on the floor. Guess what. She's letting me pull the Michael Bolton.

Here's the plan. Anyone who has seen Office Space must come out with me someday this week. We will bring baseball bats, a boom box to play "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta", the printer of course, and hopefully a camera. *Lizzie*, you're coming whether you like it or not lol


I just read the Great Gatsby. I liked Huck Finn more. But Gatsby was good. It didn't really depress me, I kind of already knew the "American Dream" had died. It almost inspired me to continue being like Gatsby. I like being romantic and optimistic. I believe people create their own reality, and this is my reality. Maybe one day it will get crushed in some way or another, but I'll handle it then. For now, I'd like to enjoy my youth.

Everyone always tries to protect you from pain, danger, conflict, and suffering. What they don't realize is they have no power over that. Life is full of suffering. If you spend the pleasant days worrying about suffering, what good does that do?

I've been having insomnia lately. I get in bed around 11 or 12 and I can't get comfortable. And then I can't stop thinking. I think for a few hours and then try to get back to sleep. But by then it's too late. Last week I was so out of it after having a sleepless night that I dared to miss a day of school. Well, I'm paying for it now. I've already had to make up two tests and now Mr. Finase hates me. He's gonna hate me even more when he reads that research paper sllslslslsls

Courses for Senior YearCollapse )

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[11 Apr 2006|12:37am]
I'm really getting sick of this cycle
-go to bed late
-wake up early
-rush to make the bus
-come home and nap
-go back and repeat

A couple things before I start the cycle again
-I saw Matt tonight :)
-I wish I had more time to give to my family
-I cant wait to quit Bass
-My courses next year are...
AP Eng
AP Gov
AP Bio
Spanish 4


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[11 Apr 2006|12:04am]
Read more...Collapse )

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[04 Apr 2006|12:20am]
After a lot of deliberation here's the temporary course selection I've decided on for next year:

AP Eng
AP Gov
AP Bio
Spanish 4
Calc L-1
Psych full year

Any seniors or KP graduates, please offer any advice you can! I'll give you some info first.

-The classes I'm definately taking are AP Eng, Spanish, and Pysch. You might be able to convince me to take only half a year of Pysch, but I doubt it, because I want to major in it for college and I love it.
-AP Gov: I really like the subject matter and think my experience with Eng will be useful in the course- I'm 99% sure I'm taking it.
-AP Bio: I want to take a science, and I'm really trying to avoid the whole Physics thing because I hear how hard it is and how much math it involves.
-Calc: It was either this or AP Stats or Math Topics (L-2) orrrr no math at all! Sadly, I need to take a math course. Booooooooo!
-Study: If I end up taking 3 AP's, I'm gonna need the study to survive. If I don't, however, then I'll take Chorus.

I get stressed out pretty easily. I do homework, I study, but every now and then I drop the ball at crucial times of the year when I'm under a lot of pressure. I'm not worried about the AP Eng thing, though. If it was AP Chem, AP Economics, & AP World History then I would be worried. But I think the AP courses I've chosen don't involve as much book work as other subjects might. And although AP Eng and Gov involve writing, I think that writing at a faster rate is something I've become good at this year. As for AP Bio, I have a good understanding of scientific concepts.

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[03 Apr 2006|11:54pm]
Is it weird that I don't feel the need to "know who I am"? I feel like the more I "know" about myself, the more disappointed, crappy, or confused I feel. I just noticed how many habits of mine have changed since freshman year, for better and for worse. And I know how hard I tried not to change, how hard I tried to stay carefree, confident, silly, idealistic, confident, random. But no matter what boundaries I try to set for myself, I really have no control over who I am.

There's all these words in the English language that people affix to their names to form a personality, almost like a charm bracelet. It's like.... "creative," *snap* it's attached! "nice," "smart," "optimstic" and there you go, it's a personality! Here's the problem: if you try to adhere to the demands of a specific personality, you will go insane. For example... if I tried to be nice and optimstic 100% of the time, what would happen to the mean and cynical thoughts that pervade my mind? As suppressed thoughts, would they eventually surface as a breakdown?

The path I've taken is a rather odd one. The way I act is a function of my mood and energy level. And I think that a lot of people act differently when they're sad, happy, or angry. I try to be happy as much as possible by getting enough sleep, taking vitamins, exercising, eating right. I like being happy, because I like laughing, or having a good coversation with someone. And when I'm depressed or pissed off, I tend to interact very negatively with people. I don't yell at them, it's just that when I'm talking to them I feel like I'm on a completely different planet of Blah. My body won't let me go back to Earth; I'm chained to this distant planet until the chemicals in my mind decide to rearrange themselves.

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[18 Feb 2006|08:30pm]
I went to see Dancing at Lugnasa (pronounced Loo-nah-sa) last night with my mom at Harwich Junior Theatre. It was about an Irish family during the 1930s, around the Industrial Rev. Each actor did an excellent job.

My favorite character was Uncle Jack, who spent many years at an island for Lepers and returned with dementia. At one part he was doing these tribal dances and tapping sticks together. I was laughing uncontrollably, because it reminded me of Tileston. The actor playing Uncle jack was very skilled.

Afterwards, I met with Tamara Harper, a veteran actor, director, and teacher at HJT. Al had arranged for us to meet, because I'm going to attend one of their classes next month. She was really nice, and it wasn't as awkward as I had anticipated, thankfully.

Like my mom said to me, there wasn't a dull moment during the play. I could go on and on about the set, too. HJT has some of the best sets I've ever seen, because their stage is so unique. I can't explain the stage, so you're gonna have to go there yourself! I highly recommend seeing this play, mainly because of the set, the acting, and Irish accents haha... [It runs until the 26th.]

If anyone would like to go see Our Town with me when it starts showing at HJT (3/10-4/2), comment! I'm [obviously] looking forward to that- I'm sort of obsessed with Our Town. Go here to see HJT's website.

I'm gonna be in Colorado Monday-Friday next week, I'm going too see my sister :D I can't wait to see her. It's hard with her living to far away, she's a big part of me. I don't know any other way to explain it, I know that sounds goofy.

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[31 Aug 2005|11:32pm]
"I wonder who will die." Its from June 23, 2003 when I was in the middle of reading Order of the Phoenix. Jesus that was a long time ago.

1. Go into your LJ’s archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people on your friends list.

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[30 Aug 2005|07:56pm]
I found this from a year ago


Oh my.

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